Wednesday, February 6

Let Me Ask You a question...

Do you fight with your siblings?

The Honey gleefully threw me to the wolves over Christmas by announcing at the dinner table that my family doesn't fight. It's true. His siblings laughed and jeered and then saw that he was serious, and then they were just puzzled.

I thought maybe because there are seven of them and only two of us, but tonight I was talking with my sweet old landlady. Despite being in their fifties, her only two children are still locked in a bitter rivalry over their mother's affection--Who she loves more.

I have been mulling over this fighting thing in my head, and honestly, I can't think of anything that would be more important to me than my brother. That would SUNDER my relationship with him. We bickered when we were kids, but I have always known that my brother would have my back, keep my secrets, and give his left kidney, if it came to that. I would do the same.

When I look at the Honey's sibs, I think maybe it's that you have to agree with them. My brother and I don't agree on everything, but we don't feel the need to be RIGHT. We just move on and silently agree to disagree. The Honey's sibs can't rest until you convert to their thinking--if you fall prostrate on the floor and writhe in agony as you scream, "How could I have been so BLIND?" it will all be over much quicker, but none of them have really adopted this as a strategy. Instead they fight and snipe and talk a little shit. We talk a little smack in my family, but it's always in fun. The Honey gets himself in trouble with my family because his family gets mean and mine does not, and my family will stop laughing once they realize it's getting mean.

I am only raising two kids, but I am not raising them with the stability my parents gave me. I wish I was. I can't imagine my kids fighting as adults. It would break my heart. But I am sure that every parent raises their kids with the intention of a close, loving bond as the end result. The Honey and his sibs love each other, and would do most anything for each other, but how do I give my kids the gift of peace? With each other, with their future partners, their co-workers?

I guess that's part of the adventure, that you just don't know how it will turn out.

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