Halloween Madness...

So I mentioned on WTF Wednesday that Toys R Us online didn't recognize the term hula hoop. I went to the actual store, and found, not a hula hoop, but a Wave Hoop--apparently the newest, tarted-up cousin of the plain jane hula hoop. Yes, it was encased in some sort of Mylar sheathing that was peeling the first time Little O dropped it in the parking lot--whatever--it was on sale, and that was all that I wanted. I was only going to cut it in half.

Guess what makes it a Wave hoop? Can you see it coming?





Yes, the frigging thing was water filled. As were my shoes when I cut it open.

But it WAS the right size and structure to fill out the wings.

In the meantime, the girls at work have caught the bug and are planning costumes for work. One VERY daring co-worker received her online shipment of the Marilyn dress she will be wearing to work. I am jealous and apprehensive at the same time. This girl goes ALL OUT on her costumes. Last year she came as Maleficent, from Sleeping Beauty--one of my favorite villains for pure evil's sake, by the way--and she totally kicked ass. I would love to get a sexpot Marilyn costume, but it would be porn gone bad to appear in something with a neckline that plunging when I am overendowed to the point of cartoony-ness. We are actively encouraging this girl to get some serious pasties if she plans on wearing this cheap white costume material as the only covering to her worldly goods. I think she is beginning to see our points--just as long as we don't see hers! But all kidding aside, she is going to look phenomenal and My competitive streak is kicking in--I know what I want to be.

I want to be little red riding hood in a little-girl dress and a red hood.

If you look online at plus sized costumes, they all involve bustiers or the bend-me-over-and-do-me lengths. This is something I want to wear to WORK and then take my (then) four year old daughter trick-or-treating in. Lifting the aforementioned cartoony proportions up even further with a bustier would be obscene, and the do-me short skirts are equally inappropriate because most of my height comes from my legs. We won't even address the sites that advertise plus sized costumes that go all the way up to a fourteen! Okay, yes we will. Fourteen is where plus sizes START, you skinny bitches! Don't advertise a plus sized costume that is a twelve. Go eat a sandwich, you anorexic whore. (that would be the web master, not the size 12)

Ahem, anyway...

I decided that a square dancing outfit would still give that little girl look with the crinolines and the traditional style, but probably be a more respectable length. Only problem? They DANCE, so they're ACTIVE, so they don't really get a whole lot of requests for a size 18-20 dress. I think I found an old lady on E-bay who's selling off stuff, but e-bay is strangely resistant to my charms, and won't let me register. I can't ask questions until I register. Hopefully my psychic twin Jen, who CAN access E-bay, will be able to find out more...