Sunday, June 10

Legal Action Pending....

Dear Frito Lay-

I am bringing this matter to your attention in hopes of a speedy resolution. Chili's Restaurant has shamelessly stolen your formula for Chili Fritos, and I'll be Dogdamned if they are not sprinkling it on any shrimp type food item that they sell. My next letter will be to them, demanding my money back for the two horrible dinners that they have conned out of me. Their "Cajun" shrimp was frito flavored, I accepted it and moved on. Remembering my experience with the Cajun stylings, I instead opted for the garlic lime shrimp. Imagine my horror when I realized it was exactly the same. They are just crushing your product up and sprinkling it on things indiscriminately. I urge you to consider a cease and desist order.

Sincerely,

JennFactor10



Dear Chili's-

If I want frito's, I will go to 7-11 and buy a bag. The next gift card we are given will be spent solely on alcohol. To the smarmy superior waiter? If I wanted to buy a T-shirt at the Skynrd concert, you would totally be the guy I'd look for. If you are serving my food, however, please trim that shit on your face into some semblance of order. I am the most mild mannered easy to please customer you will ever run across. If I felt compelled to check my food for stray whiskers, you are in bad shape, indeed, dude. If you MUST have a pony tail like a matted weasel dangling halfway down your back, could you braid it maybe? comb it? I found myself wishing for a mullet that would imply some sort of vanity and haircare. Your tip was maintained only by the fact that you spelled Dessert in front of my four year old.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Customer

9 comments:

Terra said...

I can always count on you for a laugh! Go to Applebees for me... So you can write and tell them it is DUMB to charge for ice!

kim said...

tooo fuckin funny! i needed that laugh tonight THANKS!

crse said...

YOU. ARE. MY. HERO.

Mama en Fuego said...

ROFLMAO - Matted weasel...aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The "Mind" said...

Applebees and Chili's are in the same group to me, though I've never been to a Chili's. However, all three of my experiences at Applebees have been so shitty, I have renamed the joint CrApplebees. They suck. They suck big, hairy donkey balls. I've never had such bad food and bad service from one single "restaurant" in all my 36 years.

gretty said...

Oh hell yeah!

Mama en Fuego said...

I am so sick of chain restaraunts. I long for the days of mom and pop dining establishments that have good food, good service and don't offer gift cards.

Mister Underhill said...

Proving once and for all that fritos really ARE make of styrfoam peanuts, as we all know all chili's food meals are.

Mert said...

You slay me, dear friend, dork comrade and sister! :D

I could totally picture the wreckage that was his hair. *shivers*

I have a problem with eating food that smells like funky feet, so the Chili's Jungle Rot Frito Stank Shrimp wold have been a problem for me too.

Now , if it smells like ass... I don't have a problem with that. Mmmm, I'm suddenly craving kimche!;)