Wednesday, June 13

Personal Space, People. Personal Space.

So, apparently, WTF Wednesdays are back ON, because bitches keep messin' with me.


Bones and Babs have a third member of their inconsiderate herd of cows. She shops at Safeway.

I was in the express lane with Little O and the lady in front of me was taking FOREVER, but all I had to purchase was a paperback book. I was going to take the least amount of time of anyone in that line. The mid-to-late forties lady behind me bumps me with her cart.

Now I am a big puss when it comes to those times in life I refer to as "Lucy Moments"--you know, when Lucille Ball was about to humiliate herself beyond all redemption? I cringe on other people's behalf for the mortification to come. I can totally put myself in their shoes, and I feel for them.

So I get bumped by this cart, and I don't even turn around, because I don't want to embarrass this lady, who has accidentally attempted to turn my bikini briefs into a thong. Then she does it again. This time I DO turn, and see that she is unloading her cart onto the belt, and is leaning over the cart to get to the conveyor belt.

I am still thinking how embarrassed I would be to realize that I've been molesting someone with my shopping cart. So I turn back to my endless conversation with Little O.

Yay! It's our turn. Remember, I have one freaking item. Bitch bumps me again. Her cart is EMPTY. I have moved forward to the ATM terminal, and I think okay, she pushed her cart a little too enthusiastically when the line moved.

WTF? She pushed me AGAIN with her cart. I had ONE item, had my ATM ready to go, and she is still fucking pushing me?

By the time I would have turned to her, my transaction was done. I resisted the urge to explain the law of physics that says two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time and could she please stop attempting the anal probe while I entered my PIN number?

But I was seething as I waited for my overpriced iced coffee at the Starbucks inside the grocery store, and I kept turning around, trying to get a better look at her, because she HAD to be senile, or early onset Alzheimer's, or SOMETHING. Right? Yeah, I don't think so. Just another one of Them.

I don't know if my restraint demonstrated good manners, or just indicates why I got stuck as the mild mannered asassination victim. If I had had more groceries, I might have gone a little Saddam on her.

5 comments:

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Are you kidding me? Listen, Honest Abe, you need some chemical weaponry - that bitch needed to be slapped. Or at the very least, mean-mugged.
I like to make my kid handle those situations - gives her a little assertiveness training and it makes the offender feel two-feet tall. I LOVE it!
Kid: Please stop hitting my mommy with the cart - hitting on purpose is mean and bad. But if it was an accident it's OK. But accidents don't happen a lot in a row.
Could you imagine getting thumped by a kid?? Mwuah!
I hate MomBots. Damn skanks.

ZigZagMan said...

See.....weapons aside...the 1st and second bump.....shit happens....the 3rd.....I'd have smiled as I said to her.....it's a cart..not a dildoe, and you need to use it better than that to make me move.......:)

crse said...

Oh hon, I did get saddam but i never have used to have the guts to say stuff. Im getting better though. Meaner. Because Im tired of being the only one who cares. Something like that just makes me want to say something loudly to my child like "no honey, that lady is being rude. The polite thing to do is ignore her. Im glad you have better manners than that" or if Im alone, I do the behavior therapist "You need to stop hitting me with your cart. It is rude and its making me uncomfortable." Maybe its working with socially stunted people, but Ive noticed that as time goes on, I have less and less of a problem "assertively" confronting rude people. I read the link and Im very proud that you called them cows!

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

OMG, you are TOO nice! I totally would have given her my evil "back the F up beotch" glare by the third bump at least!!

Mert said...

I think I would have had to grabbed her cart and locked eyes with her for a few seconds... probably not as direct (and fun) as ripping her a new on in the "nicest way possible", but I think it could work.

That being said... if it's my kids that is involved, and my kids are being hit... I fricking nuts and start to foam at the mouth.

Several times, women have almost hit mt oldest daughter because the were zipping into and aisle. Basically , if you were at an intersection and a person was making a left from a cross street and from your right... she would have been cutting her turn and crossing into my lane. I went nuts! I said very loudly that she must have been having a shampoo emergency, but it's not worth hurting a child over.

There have been other times that people aren't paying attention, and I am clearly on my side of the aisle, so much so that i am scraping the display shelves with my cart, and people don't pay attention and almost scrape Emma's fingers where she is holding on to the side of the cart as they go buy.

I really have to pay close attention and make sure her fingers are out of the way.

I think unfortunately, we have come to expect in our society as a whole that people will be 'holes when out in public. I think more people should stand up and demand that people act in a more polite manner. Unfortunately, the thrashing would have to also be polite, ROFL! AND THAT is something that I need to work on. ;)