Friday, July 27

Zippers, and Kidneys, and Houses, Oh My!

House hunting, on a teeny budget, with terrible credit.

Still a middle class white girl who'd like to keep her children away from gangs, meth, roaches, and freeway underpasses.

I've looked at some funkadelic houses in the last few days. The things that are in my budget are all three bedrooms made out of one bedroom houses. I'm not sure I'm ready to put Big O in a bedroom that is not technically attached to the house. I answered an ad for a 2 and 1/3 bedroom house. That one was detached, too. I saw another one that had, if I'm not mistaken, plywood counter top in one spot.

Is it bad that I'm considering the plywood one? I asked the landlord if he'd mind if I tiled it, since I'm kind of crafty, and he said he wouldn't mind at all. I will have to clarify that I expect materials to be shaved off of the rent.
Can we talk about rent? Sweet lord tiny baby Jesus. I'm too old and fat to sell my eggs, so I'm going to have to sell a kidney.

Wait! Can't you regenerate your liver if you donate part of it? How long does that take to regrow, and can I just have 'em put a zipper in so we can do it again when it grows back? I thinks the Honey's is pickled...Big o is a fine strapping boy, though. We could probably get two or three runs from his liver...

I'll keep you guys updated. But if you know anyone shopping for a kidney...

Okay, I've tried being respectful, and I can't take it any more!
Look down.
WTF is WRONG with Chesty Puller's forehead?
Did they photoshop two pictures together?


Maria said...

You gotta do what you gotta do. If the plywood is your destination...well, do the tile thing.

Maybe you can hope for a long undiscovered picasso hidden in the attic or a wall or something. I always read about shit like that and think, "Why the hell doesn't that sort of stuff happen to me?" Once, when we did knock out a wall, we found a knife with a note wrapped around it. The note said, "god help me...I will never use this knife again."

Sort of scared the bejesus out of me for a lonnng time....

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Don't think of them as plywood coutnertops so much as "empty canvasses" for you to execute your art.

I hear that livers do in fact regenerate themselves so I think you're good. Just make sure you sign up with a doc in some fancy schmancy surgical suite and not, say, one of those budget con-men who'll leave you or your kids in a bathtub full of ice.

gretty said...

I feel your housing crisis pain. Go for the best neighborhood you can afford no matter how crappy the house. Better to be able to go outside your crappy house than to be trapped and scared in a nicer one!
Dry basements turn into great kid's rooms...

crse said...

I love you. I really do. How many runs could you make if you count up all four livers?