Me Me for a mutha f***in' Monday

It's thief week at Did You Ever...
I have cheerfully stolen this meme from CRSE, at that blogosphere Hotspot, Zamphir Panflutemaster. I may steal several of her answers, as well.

• DO YOU SNORE? 'Fraid so. Not always, and nowhere near the volume and consistency of my chainsaw lover. The man SNORES.
• ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? I'm an observer.
• WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Failing my kids/disappointing my folks.
• AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? eh. I played, but not obsessively
• WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV? It's fun to watch for a while, but I like to see the tasks more than the people. (I love the locations on Amazing Race, the pictures on Top Model, the food of Hell's Kitchen)
• DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? No. But every once in a while I catch myself with a pen, and it grosses me out..
• WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? I was very smiley, and I had dimples. I think I was troll-doll cute. My mom says I was adorable, but, you know, she's my mom.
• IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Nope, I like having a partner.
• WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Black.
• DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Yes.
• HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? Nope. Couldn't now until my kids are grown.
• ANY SECRET TALENTS? Bwahahaha.
• WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? Beach house filled with books.
• CAN YOU SWIM? It's not pretty, I got no strokes, but yeah, I can tread water and get from point A to point B. I enjoy it.
• HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO? Nope.
• DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? Um, sure. I drive an SUV, but it's a Honda--does that help the karmic/ozonic balance?
• HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? If I ever met a person who could actually do the licking...well...i think theyd be a pretty fun date...LMAO- this was CRSE's answer.
• CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? No.
• DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? I end up with no pencil left with an electric pencil sharpener. I like a good, school-grade manual sharpener with the double barrels that revolve with the little crank, you know the one? Usually located near the teacher's desk...
• WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? I come from a long line of Okies. I'm fine with it as long as you're not asking ME to shoot something. And as long as you do it humanely and take care of your shit. Don't go maiming things. People are freaking irresponsible about other PEOPLE, let alone animals that can't report them.
• IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? I have a sparkly ring that says so.
• DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I cringe at the thought of my handwriting. As bad as my typing is, I heart my typing over my chicken scratch.
• WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Spring. I love it, but it doesn't love me.
• WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU” ? Every ten minutes to my O's. They are gonna need so much therapy.
• DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? Not usually.
• HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Scrambled in butter to a tender sunny yellow, NOT overcooked, with Cold sliced tomatoes, sliced avocado, good salsa and flour tortillas. yum.
• ARE BLONDES DUMB? Is dubya blonde?
• WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? Art Hoppe explained that socks eat their mates.
• WHAT TIME IS IT? too late for me to be online.
• DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? Mistress. Supa Jen.
• IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING? Probably, and yet I still pull into that drive thru.
• WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? About 2 hours ago.
• DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Bath tub to relax, but a shower to be clean. Bathtubs are not clean to me.
• IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? It's an office to be assumed. Like the incarnations of Piers Anthony. Give birth and the office is yours.
• DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? I've had children with men who kissed my neck. Literally.
• ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Not usually.
• WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Chocolate croissants.
• CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? Crunchy
• CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? No.
• HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? Only when I was a kid, my daddy did a lot of health fairs and things.
• IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? I tend to put off taking an Advil for as long as I can, and Vicodin are nasty--But I'm not Tom Cruise--They make a lot of these medicines for a reason.
• ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? When I am sick!
• WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Grey-blue.
• DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? Overall, sure!
• ARE YOU PSYCHIC? No, I'm rather dense.
• HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE? Yes.
• DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? I wish I played guitar.
• HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? I freaking put my own money INTO the till when I worked at B. Dalton. We were twenty dollars short and I'd never had that happen before and I almost peed my pants. Years later a bitter employee put that into her termination report, and My DM asked me about it. By that time I knew that the company sees that as almost as bad as pocketing cash, but I looked at him and said, well, yeah, I did. It was my first week as a manager. I sure as hell don't do it now. He laughed and casually tossed out that she really was a bitter bitch. He was right-she was termed by someone else, three years later, and THEN she rats me out? I loved that man.
• CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? Nope, but I love to ski.
• DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? If we are fully equipped. I'm not saying we need a trailer, but I want a certain comfort level. No beanie weenies from a can, thank you.
• DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? Not usually.
• DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? In theory..
• ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND? No. That would be the giant squid living in the depths of the marianas trench.
• YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? Lord, yes.
• CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? You see, that would be DANCING, and I can't even pull off a decent Elaine. I am the original wallflower.
• DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? snicker giggle. Have we met?
• IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? Nope, it went into the eighties.
• WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Combo pizza leftover from Little O's Princess day.
• DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? Love it, hate taking it off. But Once it begins to go, it MUST come off. Thanks, mom!
• HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW? More than ten, less than twenty.
• WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? Any tampon commercial. Big O still doesn't quite get the mechanics of it, and I'm letting him wander in a fog of horrified male confusion.OOOOOOOOOOOOH! Can I say a radio commercial? There is a campaign commercial, and it starts with a wife introducing a husband who oddly, reads all of the political ads that come in the mail. Then she asks him what he has learned. He explains that candidate A talks about more than the national things that annoy us, like foreign policy. He cares about things that matter here in the valley. Take Meth--at this point she moans.
  It's the kind of noise you make when you find out your favorite nephew sold his grandmother's car for a hit. He wasn't TELLING you to take meth, you stupid bitch. It annoys the crap out of me. It's poorly written and poorly acted, and I am stunned each and every time when Candidate A comes on to say he approved this ad. If this is an example of his judgment, Stay the hell away from Washington, there are enough of you there already.
• DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? My right thigh considered it once, but my gigantic chest vetoed the idea.
• FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT? My mind is blank. I keep singing snippets of some fifties song, but I don't know what it is. I'll have to torture everyone at work with it tomorrow. today. ack. goodnight.