1. When I was the age that Big O is now, I had a huge waterfight at my house, boys against girls. Girls were inside with bowls and cups and things, boys were outside with hoses—aiming into the house. My mother came home in the middle. And yet I live.
2. I have a black thumb. I better never go into rehab—the rule in the movie 28 days, where you have to keep a plant alive for a year before you get a pet, and have that for a year before you can date? I’d be a lonely, lonely girl surrounded by my dead foliage—and not even a cat for company.
3. I regret my tattoo. At twenty a Jack Daniels Bottle is very rock and roll. At thirty-six it’s feeling a little skank-ish. Plus it’s hard to explain to your O’s.
4. My kids are the third generation where everyone gets the same first initial. But I broke tradition by not giving them the same middle initial.
5. When I was a kid I had an extra tooth in the roof of my mouth and had to have it removed, but they did not believe me when I told them I could feel them working on me. To this day I have an unreasonable fear of dentists. I don’t cry when I see a dentist on TV, but I always find a reason to miss any appointment I set.
6. I won a poetry contest when I was in the eighth grade and had my picture in the paper along with my poem. I was ridiculed in school and it turned out to be the most miserable experience of my life, and that is why I hate poetry to this day.
7. I was a social hermit in high school and went skiing every weekend with my father the winter of my junior year. The night of the Junior prom (when I had been turned down by the boy I FINALLY got the nerve up to ask--he came out two years later but by that time I was SCARRED for life), my dad had to work but arranged for one of his ski patrol buddies to pick me up and go night skiing so I wouldn’t be home dwelling on it.
8. On that note, I was socially retarded and did not have a boyfriend until I was seventeen. He was every parent’s worst nightmare, a divorced twenty-three year old father, working fast food and living with his mother. Oh, and he was a dope smoking heavy metal fan whose wardrobe consisted solely of cut up t-shirts…WINNER! I stayed with him until I was twenty and my parents about peed their pants—I got a trip to Europe, they were so desperate to get me away from him.
9. I lost my virginity at sixteen in a calculated move that made for a hysterical story for another post. Possibly for another blog. And yes, that timeline is accurate.
10. One day after school I decided to show off and take the 1976 Ford f-150 king cab truck for a drive around the block with my girlfriend. The stupid thing was huge and had a first gear that was essentially useless unless you were hauling something up a hill. I got it out of the driveway and around the corner and it just would not move anymore. My brother just happened to be coming over, and drove it home for me and never told my folks.
11. I was onstage with Bill Cosby once. My brother introduced me to him as the family pet in front of the entire audience.
12. I once super glued pennies to the windshield of a very bad manager. She was nasty and vile and had a revolving rubber check that she would have us cash and then take out before the deposit went to the bank. To add insult to injury, she just used the same damned check over and over again.
13. I am closer to forty than thirty now, and I have never plucked my eyebrows. I think I might do it this year for the Christmas Party. I think.
Total Mind Blowing Update-- My
TT #4 was thirteen people I wanted to find again. One of them found me BECAUSE of my TT! WOW! I am so excited and now have to figure out how to contact her! Amanda, if you’re reading my blog, email me!
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