Sunday, July 30


I just finished the third book by George R Martin, Storm of Swords. Great stuff, but I am so poor, and good books make me want MORE good books of equal quality. sigh. I think that there is a fourth book, not sure if it's out in paperback. Guess I'll have to go check.
The big weigh-in is tomorrow, and I think I'm going to fail. crap. I do not own a scale, but I do have a half gallon of vanilla ice cream. Is that bad? Wish me luck.

Something different...

What type of Fae are you?

I stole this from CRSE over at Zamphir

What is your salad dressing of choice? At home, Girard's Champagne dressing in the triangle bottle, out it's blue cheese.
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Japanese place here in town, Shi Ra Soni.
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? I believe good service should be rewarded, and I'v been known to tip 25%, but average is 17-20%, depending on how it rounds up to an even dollar amount. I am mortified when somody else leaves a crap tip for what I felt was good service. I'm always trying to casually leave an extra bill under my plate...
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Watermelon!
Name three foods you detest above all others.
1)Pickles-I understand that you did not put a pickle ON my sandwich, it's just a garnish, but it's vile pickle juice has infected the virgin bread of my sandwich and I'd really like a new one.
2)Tiny Tomatoes. I like tomatoes sliced, but the flavor of those litle ones, and the way they explode in your mouth? ugh.
3)Gobs of mayonnaise. I don't mind a thin layer of mayo and I understand it's value, but if my food is spooging mayo out of it's crevices, I'm done. again, ugh.
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Snow Peas and Water Chestnuts at the Golden Dragon in Redding. I loves me some sizzling rice soup, though, and will order it anywhere it's offered...
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni-plain if it's from Mountain Mikes (man, do they understand pepperoni), with mushroom, olive, and COLD tomato if somewhere else.
What do you like to put on your toast? Buttah, maybe a little jam if it's homemade.
What is your favorite type of gum? Something minty, I don't really care what.
Number of contacts in your cell phone? maybe 20?
Number of contacts in your email address book? again, maybe 20, not counting all of the work folks...I gues then it would double to forty.
What is your wallpaper on your computer? My O's showing me how old they are.
What is your screensaver on your computer? A slideshow of family photos.
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Yeah, they're included in the slideshow! (NOT)
How many land line phones do you have in your house? As opposed to cordless, or as opposed to cellular? one house phone, and it's cordless.
How many televisions are in your house? 3.
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? The coffee maker, and I love coffee, but I cannot drink a whole pot by myself, so I never make it.
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? They changed the alternative radio station we listened to at work to some crap mtv format, so I'm not sure any more, in my car it's NPR, Country, or the other alternative station that we kind of sort of get in...There is no rock format in town.
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Wow, someone said four. Our house may at some point have had one...
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Others think it's my ginormous chest, but they don't have to shop for it. I'd say my smile.
Are you right handed or left handed? Right.
Do you like your smile? Yes, but only becasue it's my natural state. I feel odd NOT smiling.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A couple babies (stolen from CRSE)
Would you like to? I think about a breast reduction, and MAN, I just saw a girlfriend's tummy tuck--gnarly scar, and her va-jay-jay seems to start just below her belly button, but she's got picture perfect abs, now. Not anything I've ever really contemplated, but I envy her fashion options now.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? I prefer to read everywhere. Anywhere. I get in trouble for bringing a book to my mother-in-laws' house. If I'm alone, I'm almost guaranteed to be reading.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? No clue.
When was the last time you had a cavity? I have some right now.
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? Little O is only 32 lbs, but she's the ONLY thing I lift regularly.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope.
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope. I'd get manic trying to make sure everyone was set for it, and spend the last of my time miserable.
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I hated being one of forty million Jennifers. I thought Jordan would have been a better choice. Now that I am out of school, and not surrounded by the other forty million jens, I'm okay with it. It's who I am.
How do you express your artistic side? I cut and paste my kid's party invitations. I don't really have an artistic side, but I like to borrow other people's to appease my sense of aestheics.
What color do you think you look best in? pinks and blues, unfortunately. Not always a pink kinda girl.
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I'd have to be somebody's wifey-bitch, cause I don't like pain.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Not to my knowledge!
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?No, most of my relatives are hill-folk, you know?
How often do you go to church? I don't.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? nope.
Has someone ever saved yours? Not unless you count the person who got me out of retail.
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Could I be drunk and could it be across the country from where I live?
Would you kiss a member of the gender you don't normally kiss, for $100? Sure!
Would you have sex with a member of gender you don't usually have sex with for $10,000? If my honey doesn't mind (and he'd probably like to watch), sure!
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Yep.
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Ouch. yes, if I could still read them.
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Ug. Maybe. have to see how they turned out.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? I don't think that I could.
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Only if I could choose the person, not a random innocent life.
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? In a heartbeat.
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Again, in a heartbeat.

Saturday, July 29

I Love My O's

carousel horse, originally uploaded by fabrica_imago.

The other day, Little O and I were driving down the street by the golf course, and somebody is strapping a carousel horse into the back of a pick up truck. I'm thinking it must be nice to have that kind of cash... we make it about two more blocks when Little O pipes up.

"Mama, we need a new car."

"Oh? What's wrong with our car, Baby?"

"We need to get a truck with a horse on the back. You can drive the truck, and I will ride the horse. Okay, mama?"

Friday, July 28


lazy. out of town meeting (okay) followed by craptastic night. no energy for anything but a blogthing today. apparently i'm even too lazy to hit the shift button. sigh.

Your Birthdate: November 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.

You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.

Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.

You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm

Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics

Your power color: Indigo

Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your power month: December

Wednesday, July 26

Thursday 13 #4

Thirteen Lost Connections JEN would like to find

So there are six degrees of separation ? Most of these people are bookstore friends that I lost when one of us moved on. Where better than the blogosphere to see if they are still out there…

13 Amazing People that I have completely lost touch with:

1. Anne Marie McNamara: Crazy woman (now in her mid-thirties) who used to have looong red hair that she never cut. We went to high school together and she kept me entertained until she moved away… The last I heard, she had left Arizona for Chicago, because she heard it was a great town. No plan, no contacts, just heard it was a great town…but that was sooooo AnneMarie. 15 years ago? I think about Anne Marie all the time.
2. Jeniffer Darice Regan: My best friend in junior high, she became much more urbane than I could ever aspire to be when she moved to Santa Maria, dropped the Jeni and became Darice. Last I heard whe was pursuing her art, working in a gallery in Los Gatos, and flying around with her (Brazillian?) boyfriend. Thirteen Years ago?
3. Michelle Pellersels: The warmest, funniest person I’ve ever met. She lives in Hawaii, and I actually got a Christmas card from her last year after years out of touch. My children promptly spilled something all over the envelope, and the Honey threw it out. I’m hoping she’ll try again.
4. Wendy Hoffman: Wendy was an amazing co-worker from the bookstore in Chico, where she was majoring in Women’s Studies. Wendy was kind and generous to a geeky kid totally out of her league in a party town like Chico. She made sure that I was included in things and was amazing to sit down and talk to. When I grow up, I’d like to be a lot like Wendy. I hope she has kids where ever she is, because we need more of her in the world.
5. Robb Wolf(f?): We worked together in Redding, he moved down to LA, then stopped by to see me before he headed to the Pacific Northwest. Robb was into bodybuilding and Karate. Watching him eat a can of tuna and two raw eggs for lunch was vile, but he had a huge heart and a huge brain, and was a really good guy.
6. Nick Sage: Nick worked with me in Visalia, and the last I heard from him he was living in Montana while his girlfriend studied archaeology or paleontology (One of the two). Nick accused me of selling my soul for motherhood, and trading in my brain for baby bottles. I was a little shocked and bitter. Now I realize that I was trying so hard to be a perfect mommy in my new life, so nobody would know that my marriage was sh*t. I wish I could thank him for his honesty and his perception, because everyone else bought it for years, including me. I still have pictures of Nick as Hellboy for Halloween, scaring all the kids that came into the store.
7. Julia Smith: Julia was also in Visalia, I inherited she and Nick when I went to that store. Last I heard from Julia, she was living in San Jose with Eric, but was seriously contemplating moving back to the Visalia area.
8. Phyllis Rejoice Harris: I love that name. I loved Joy. She was a riot, but very sweet natured. When Joy walked into a room, everyone drifted into orbit around her. She was just somebody you wanted to hang out with. I’d love to know if she stuck with Marine Biology, or found something else.
9. Amanda Harris: Amanda was also a Visalia employee. I interviewed Amanda and Joy about three hours apart and I couldn’t decide which one to hire….I ended up with both. Amanda was tiny, and had this razor sharp edge to her. When Disney did the Hercules movie , Meg made me think of Amanda. Amanda ended up marrying Joy’s brother, Kenny, after I moved away. That kid had such a sharp wit! Very dry…
10. Joan Crider: Joan worked with me in Hanford, and she was an adult in ways that most of us were not. She was married to a minister, her kids were just starting high school, but she was the neatest lady. When I think of the Mitford books, they evoke that same sort of feeling. Joan was not perfect, did not claim to be anything close to perfect, but she was mellow and even tempered and just delightful to spend time with. My best friend ended up hiring her son, Nathan, when he graduated.
11. Carole Franklin: My junior year English teacher. She pulled me out of my loathing of all things school by nurturing my love of verbage. She moved away when her husband got transferred, and I cringe to think what she’d make of my incomplete college career, but she was an inspiration to me and I admire her to this day.
12. Cindy Kunakemakorn: I’ve probably misspelled that. Cindy was another friend from high school. My mom worked with her father, so I know that she was going to go to school for pharmacology (and would never have been the thong snapping girl from the country club). She went to visit her parents’ families in Thailand and ended up working in broadcasting for a while, I believe. She and Amanda (#9) would have gotten along beautifully. People were constantly underestimating her because she was a “nice Asian girl.” She was a cheerleader, which if you knew her, was hysterical, because there was never a less likely scenario. She was the angry cheerleader, because she had to deal with, well, cheerleaders.
13. Pat Grizzel: My first district manager, Patrick left B&N to go somewhere in Virginia, I think. Pat was a poet and a rebel and not ever politically correct. He paired me with my future best friend , Jen, and forced the Stockton B&N to hire me (I chanced upon him while applying for a part time job). I loved that man.

Can I add an extra?

14.Jen Fikes: I’d really like to find her. At twenty-three she owned the world, had no fear, and made decisions based solely upon her moral compass. She led a very uncomplicated life. Of course, now that I think of it, she made a whopping twenty grand a year and drove 700 miles both ways to do laundry at her mommy’s house every other weekend… Maybe I wasn’t as independent as I remember. But I’d kill to have that self-confidence back—that body, too!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

WTF Wednesday

Let me preface this by saying it out loud. I'm white. I am blinding when bared, glow in the dark, Ward and June Cleaver white bread white. Having said that, I am intelligent, and reasonably young. Some of the songs on the radio are funny in a misogynistic/misguided way, and the bouncy tunes are fun for brief periods. I am not the crazy cat lady who thinks all young people are evil, or cursing rap music as the downfall of society. Nor am I that bitter woman wishing for the fifties or sixties again, angry that the Beatles ever showed up to "ruin" things. I'm not that woman.

But WTF?

As I have stated, I live pretty close to the stinky armpit of California's great Central Valley. We are not Miami, or L.A., or any other hip place ever featured on MTV. A few weeks ago in the local paper, there was a write up about local car buffs, who tricked out their cars like their Mack Daddy heroes on MTV. But this is the Central Valley, where your paycheck is more likely coming from Burger King, and so the fellows in the article have made some adjustments. They pimp out their rides, all right, but budget style! They cannot afford a caddy, and they are not ashamed to admit it. For these guys, the ride of choice is a Buick.

So the Puritanical Quaker budget Nazi within salutes these guys for living within their means. Absolutely. My inner Jen is screaming*if you didn't spend four grand on rims, you could've had a nicer car! These guys were in the paper for building their own lifestyle brand (they had a name for it-209 Hyphy? Thinking about calling it Styphy for Stockton-hyphy), because they were Rollin' Budget style.

So now the madness continues*.

Yesterday we had an article about the local music scene, and they included they lyrics from a rising local talent. Ready?

"I'll beat you down to a pulp and slide off in a Chevelle,
Don't come from out of town with that bull,
We're 209 hyphy
We fight like it's cool."

-Dee Underdue
-"Like to Fight-Valley Anthem"

WTF was that? Maybe this one will tickle your Mother's soul*

"We got that rough for those who come from out of town hatin'
No conversatin' when you're disrespectin' Stockton, Cali
You call it Mudville,
Here we call it Murder Valley.

-"I'm from Stockton"

I take it back. I am that lady. Shut the f*ck up about your Chevy Chevelle (isn't that the hatchback thing?). I'm moving to the sticks with my parents. Kiss your homemade Mexican food goodbye, Honey. I'm not taking your mother.

I'd like to thank the Stockton Record for this post. It is officially a WTF Wednesday now.

Tuesday, July 25

I had to share this with you all...

DSC00785, originally uploaded by supa_jen_10.

Because it makes me laugh. I took this at our local ballpark last year. I don't remember who we were playing, but the guy on the field is, um, being played, by the character Shark McGuire.
Do you think Mark McGuire knew it would come to this?

Pet Peeve...

This may be more than a pet peeve, but slightly less than the throbbing vein in my forehead bursting... is there a term for that?

People who tell small children to Shut Up.

I'm not saying that you cannot silence your kids (Please, DO!). But there are a thousand ways to say it without those ugly words that reduce a small child to dust. I admit that I now say it to Big O, but only when we are in joke mode, never when we're seriously butting heads. He has reached double digits, and understands the context. Little O would not.

I was behind a lady in the grocery store, and she told her toddler to Shut Up. I know that we all have those days, and it HAS been 115+, but her kid wasn't even being annoying. Just talking about the things in the grocery store--identifying colors and things.

I just find that ugly and unfortunate.

It made me want to slap that bitch upside the back of the head. Hard. If you don't like them, don't breed.

Let me add that this was not a Sweats-with-holes and greasy-ponytail gum-chewing flip-flop wearing underachiever--that was me, minus the holes, the grease, and the gum--she was dressed like bank people or church people. You know those...heels and pearls on a Sunday evening when it's a thousand degrees and not a drop of sweat on her?

I yearn for the day when I can pull off a hot Sunday afternoon NOT looking like I was just spit out of the dryer--hair frizzed and escaping my pony, sweating and wild eyed as I march my kids through the store because I cannot put off grocery shopping any longer. sigh. But my kids are people and I treat them as such. Please and thank you are universally applied. Is common courtesy a dying concept?

Monday, July 24

Please disregard the poem.

Angry Again, originally uploaded by -saint-.

This was going to be a post about Blogger NOT posting my emailed posts for days, if at all, but instead, let's talk about poetry, shall we?
I am shallow and lazy, and for the most part, I just don't get poetry. Put a punch line in it. Make it funny. Make it cruel. THEN, I get it. But don't post a picture (that I really like and want to use) on Flickr, and then title the frigging thing with an entire poem so you can back-door your poem onto my lovely bitchy post.
What's that You say? Pick another picture? No. This picture is how I feel about Blogger right now. And, as it happens, about poetry.

I'd urge you all to partake of the only poetry I truly enjoy, the Casual Slack Tuesday Work Sucks Haiku.

Saturday, July 22

Little O's Cake

10-7-03 060, originally uploaded by supa_jen_10.

This was her own personal cake.

I am Birthday-Manic-Obsessive

Birthday Balloons, originally uploaded by girlzone41.

I know that I go overboard. I know it. There are two big weaknesses in my life that do not involve chocolate or books.

Halloween Costumes and Birthday Parties.

There is so much about childhood these days that just sucks. I cannot turn my ten year old loose to roam the neighborhood all summer long. It isn't safe, and I'll opt for safe over free and missing any day. We live in the city, so there's no catching tadpoles or, well, ANYTHING that I remember from my childhood. There are video games and very structured sports leagues. (I was reading an editorial about why the US sucks at soccer--another day)

So I want my kids to have magnificent Birthdays. Is that so wrong? I've never hired a clown or anything...not even a bounce house. But I like a theme and a twist. Something unique. Big O went to the snooty private school for a while, and I knew better thatn to get into the one-upsmanship game with the Neurosurgeon's wife. OOh, I was just bragging about never hiring the clown, but I guess two years ago I did rent the sh*tty two tube waterslides for our exclusive use--it was cheaper than the Pizza Parlor Video Game Extravaganza...hmm.

OKAY, I go alot overboard sometimes. Big O's Birthday is coming up. He'll be 11. We are bowling. Not content with a mere bowling party, I HAD to make it Intertellar bowling, with an alien theme. Big O and I had already discussed doing a pyramid of Krispy Kremes instead of cupcakes, so now I'll just make the top one into a flying saucer... But now I NEED a big picture of an alien head to make a mask on a stick so I can take a group photo of everyone with their alien mask. I thought about making them bowl in the bobbling antennaes, but I think Big O is going to invite a Girl from karate. He's always had girls at his parties, but I think this is a Girl. Capital G. Which kinda means I have to step up my game, right? I don't want my boy to come off as geeky (his father covers that angle nicely, thank you).

I'd like to thank Bree for reining me in about finding alien themed music that no one will pay attention to...and telling me that yes,t-shirts as souveniers would be overboard (but they'd be so cool!). sigh.

I'm sure I'll be blogging more as the party nears. But it just occured to me that my very first post had the cupcakes from Little O's 3rd Birthday. I'll leave you with the cake from her first birthday, which had a Bee theme, because that's Little O's middle name. That's another post in and of itself...

Thursday, July 20

Thursday 13! # 3

Thirteen Sweetest Things Jen has known

1... My brother talked to his wife's belly every night and when my niece was born, my brother followed the baby into the nursery to be weighed and measured. We were all pressed up against the glass and we could hear her screaming. My brother leaned down and started talking to her, and she instantly stopped crying and drew her arms and legs in, and just listened to him.
2... My former mother in law died at home surrounded by her children and her husband, and when the coroner came to take her away, her husband stood on the porch whispering that he should have kept her with him for one more hour. It wasn't creepy, it was as touching a thing as I've ever seen, and someday I want someone to love me that deeply.
3... A co-worker struggled for years to have a baby, to no avail. Not two months after losing her mother, she became pregnant, and I think it's proof that you CAN get a little help from above.
4... I used to sing my son to sleep, and in the midst of my marriage falling apart, my sweet boy took my face in his hands, and sang "You are my sunshine" perfectly. He was three.
5... My parents still hold hands.
6... When my ex's mom started losing her hair to chemo, she was very sad and felt like she was losing her identity (Her husband always called her curly). We got out the clippers and had a head shaving party for her so she wouldn't have to wake up with it on her pillow every day. It was very impromptu, but was warm and loving, and she was very brave.
7... Listening to my mexican mother in law tell my daughter about her grandfather, who passed away two years before I met my Honey. My Honey was really close to-and still has trouble talking about- his dad, but his mom will tell Little O stories (in Spanish, even though Little O doen't speak Spanish).
8... My grandma brushing my grandpa's hair as he was dying.
9... When I was four I thought my dad wasn't going to make it to my birthday, he had to work. At the end of the party, when the Farrell's workers made a big train and ran all around the restaurant announcing my birthday and bringing out the ice cream, my dad was at the end of the line riding a kick-n-go with a bow on it. Best entrance ever. Best birthday ever. That's why little girls love their daddies.
10... My brother surprised his wife for their tenth anniversary. He whisked her off to Hawaii and married her again on the beach. Just the two of them.
11... My Honey and Little O slow-dancing at the wedding. They tried on top of his shoes for a while, but ended up with her head on his shoulder, just beaming. They both were.
12... Babies fresh from the bath, smelling like Johnson's shampoo and warm baby. That is just bliss.(NO babies. NO NO NO babies. stick me with a fork, I'm done. NO Babies.) The best smell in the world.
13... When my honey does the dishes. I hate doing dishes. I'll cook you a FEAST, but I'll serve it to you on paper plates, if I'm washing dishes. I cannot count on him to do them regularly, but what a glorious surprise when he does it.
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. 3. 4. 5.
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Okay I obviously need to learn the voodoo involved with the fabulous box where you insert your own link when you leave a comment...

Wednesday, July 19

Not a WTF Wednesday.

Good Morning, Cujo!, originally uploaded by hasfurrychildren.

It's wonderful Wednesday...because Weds is halfway to Friday. My customers have all been bitten by rabid dogs.

How do you know, Jennifer?

Because they are all foaming at the mouth, and convinced that we are after them. All of us. Refusing to give us addresses because we are harboring secret grudges, and they fear retribution. Which, with the exception of the obnoxious bastard on South Miller, is completely absurd. :}

Tuesday, July 18

Tasty Tuesday

This is my gift to you, stolen DIRECTLY from the pages of
Cuisine Magazine. Which is, by the way, one of my all time favorite cooking magazines (along with Cook's Illustrated).

Chocolate Espresso Torte

Place in Bowl:
12 oz semi sweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

Heat until boiling; pour over Chocolate:
1 lb unsalted butter
1 C espresso (coffee concentrate is smoother)
1 C dark brown sugar

8 eggs, slightly beaten

1. Trace and cut out waxed paper or parchment to fit the bottom of a 9” springform pan.
2. Place chocolate in a bowl. In a saucepan, bring butter, espresso, and sugar to a boil. Keep stirring until sugar dissolves.
3. Pour butter mixture into bowl of chopped chocolate. Whisk until chocolate mixture is melted and smooth.
4. Keep whisking as you very slowly pour eggs into chocolate mixture. Now, pour the batter into prepared springform pan.
5. Place springform pan in a roasting pan. Add boiling water to roasting pan until water comes halfway up sides of pan.
6. Bake 1 hour at 350. Place on cooling rack. Run thin bladed knife around inside of pan to loosen torte. Cool, then chill overnight.

Chocolate Glaze

Microwave at 50%:
8 oz semi sweet chocolate, chopped
12 T unsalted butter, cut into tablespoons
5 t water
1 T light corn syrup
Pour over Torte

7. Remove sides from pan. Cut a piece of Cardboard to fit torte. Set on top, then invert torte. Place on pedestal.
8. Slide knife between bottom and paper to release. Press lightly on cake to smooth out any uneven spots.
9. Combine all glaze ingredients in a bowl. Microwave at 50% power for 3 minutes, stirring once a minute.
10. Whisk glaze until it becomes very smooth. This is very important when you start pouring it over cake.
11. Pour warm glaze over torte, letting is coat sides. Pour fast because that cold torte makes the glaze set up.
12. Use a knife for lightly touching up only the uncoated areas. Don’t touch anything else or you’ll get marks!

Dieting is no fun. This recipe is deceptively easy to do--the water bath is the biggest problem I have. It looks amazing and tastes like sin. Did I mention that dieting sucks? peeve.

Why, when you are invited to sing at an event, do you insist on screwing it all up with vocal gymnastics? Do you think you're Mariah Carey? Does Mariah Carey think that it's a good thing? Okay, we'll set aside my loathing for all things squeally, I mean skanky, I mean Carey.

You are singing the national anthem, a song many people feel compelled to sing along with. When you deviate from the traditional rendition, they become befuddled. Then angry. I GET that this is a big opportunity for you. I'm just saying, do it right. It's our national anthem. Showcase your range (or lack thereof) another time. Another place. Away from me and mine.

My Other Other Sweaty Hero...

C'mon Now! It's the Cowbell Guy!

Actually, he looks a little like my first sweaty hero.

But nothing like John McEnrat.

Monday, July 17

Continuing With the Potter Theme...

WIDTH="88" HEIGHT="130" ALT="Want to Get Sorted?">

a Ravenclaw!

It is the Year of the Spider!

My backyard is infested with spiders the size of quarters. I have three huge, perfect spiderwebs between the fence and the roof of the carport. My ghetto palace backs right up to Interstate 5, so we do not spend time out in the back yard, but still. It's like the forest in Harry Potter. I'm waiting for them to carry off Little O to be their queen-- or their lunch.

The Honey swears he's going to take care of them all. Maybe they'll carry him off? Hmmm...

Sunday, July 16

Did you ever have a recurring nightmare?

I'm not one to remember my dreams, let alone have recurring nightmares, but I did have one when I was a kid...

Let me preface this by saying that I was raised Seventh Day Adventist, and my parents worked for a Catholic Hospital. SDA doesn't do a whole lot of Statuary, something about the whole golden calf/ false idol thing. So as a child I was fascinated by the statues that were EVERYWHERE at my parents' work. Especially one of Mary and Baby Jesus tucked into an alcove on the stairs going up to my dad's office at the time. I had an Aunty Mary who lived in a great corner apartment in San Francisco, and we used to run up the stairs trying to race the (very cool) elevator up to Mary's floor.

So here it is:

I am being chased by the statue of Mary (floating, not running), and she is holding out the Baby Jesus, and they both have the dark circles under their eyes, like when the superfriends went bad? He's got big, thick, clawlike fingernails, and I am running up the stairs trying to get to my aunty's apartment. I get there and the statue opens the door, and my aunt opens a door down the hall and I wake up.

I found a picture on Flickr that reminded me of it, minus the disembodied torsos and the severed head above her. Man, think of what I could have done with THAT as a kid...


Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

I've said it! Generally with an impatient/sarcastic undertone, but I.Have.Said.It. My impatience will be what kills me. I get to a point that I cannot stand to debate it anymore, and try to bully the group to make a decision--any decision. Just put us out of our misery. Apparently that's exactly what we'll do!

I Have to Say...

The Truth Laid Bear ranking is not for the fragile ego. I am an insignificant microbe in the TTLB ecosystem. But it's funny as hell that people declare on their blogs that they are slimy mollusks etc. I aspire to be a slimy mollusk.
I added a counter, too, and it cracks me up. I think I need traffic before I add a counter, but how will I know if I don't add a counter? I think the two are redundant, but what the hell. :}

Saturday, July 15

Another Mom Moment

Buzz Lightyear, originally uploaded by Juliane_Stanczyk.

Little O calls him Buzz My Ear.
When we sing "Are you sleeping" the final line is Morning as a Reindeer.

When big O began to read he flipped out in the drive through at Jack in the Box because they sold monster tacos. Would not eat there for years.

Love my O's...

I am a Chestnut tree...

You Are A Chestnut Tree

You are a born diplomat with a well developed sense of justice.
And even though you're impressive and intimidating, you're also fun to be around.
You can be irritated easily, and you sometimes act superior.
Nevertheless, you are sensitive of others feelings and very loyal.
Sometimes you feel misunderstood and are fiercely close to those who know you best.

Even I don't want to touch my monkey...

Stupid template. Stupid monkey. Now it links you away to bunnyhero labs when you want to play with it. grrrrrr.

OOOOh! New toys!


I think it's a neat concept.

I may be too lazy.

Again, Neat. Lazy.

Friday, July 14

I get so very frustrated with all of this...

I find my all-text entries boring. Gimme something to look at. But I'm not overly keen on putting my kids onto the internet (you'd all cry at their beauty), and so I try flickr. Since the revelation that I could inadvertently offend half the blogging world by becoming a "bandwidth thief" -and I'm still not clear what that is or if I've done it- I try to use flickr pictures that say blog this. Not so sure that this is working, either... argh!


HA! somehow I wiped out my template trying to add the flickr box to my sidebar! I'll have to start from scratch! can I say it? do y'all mind? motherfucker! Links and toys and info--all gone.

Thursday, July 13

Corporate Life, no blogs allowed.

Rudy First Stage, originally uploaded by hua bing chong ji.

So life without blogs continues at work, but it's not pretty. We wander listlessly, having secretive, hushed talks in the corners...
Hey, I read your blog with my kids screaming in the background last night...LMAO. er, I mean, I laughed, well, you know. Listen, I'm jonesin' for something to do...have you seen the crossword?

You think I'm kidding? We've put a Boggle board on an Excel spreadsheet, and we email boggle games to each other.

Wednesday, July 12

Thursday 13 #2

Thirteen Things about Jen's lotto Dreams

1. Do I really have to say I'd pay off all of my bills?

2. Buy a house with 2 cottages in the back. Both senior ready, one 1 bdrm, one 2 bdrm. Separated by a little low garden wall. So my O's can visit both grandmas.

3. Purchase a block of investment duplexes, and let my ex live in 1 rent free in exchange for managing the property. So Big O has stablility on both sides (It's a-whole-nother blog to address my Ex's flaky ways).

4. Okay! Okay! College funds for both my O's blah blah blah

5. Go back to school. I'd go crazy if I stayed home and ate bon-bons.

6. Is everything practical taken care of, now? Jeez! I'd buy in to the Disney time share package so we could go to a variety of locations. Yeah, yeah, corporate america has no soul, etc etc. I'd buy in, and I'd like it!

7. I'd buy a mountain property somewhere green with a hill, and I would commission an open air non-denominational stone church, to be built by hand by a caretaker who could have a cabin a discreet distance away. I went to Glendalough in Ireland when I was a teenager, and there has never been a church as beautiful as that stone church. It used to have a thatched roof, but it was burned away a few centuries ago. It was built pre-stained glass, with just this jagged edge of rocks framing the view of the valley, and it seemed like such a pure way to rejoice in the gifts we are given. I'm not religious, but I don't think you need to be to know that as the biggest predator on the planet, we've lucked out. I came home thinking that we should tear down all the modern stucco churches and start over, and that a man should be able to devote his life to building a church like that without being thought crazy.

8. I'd hire a stalker-trainer who would show up at the house to make me work out even if I called to say I had other plans...

9. I'd start a foundation that would run workshops on how to present yourself when you are applying for a job. It would go into low income schools and teach it in the fourth and fifth grade, when even tough kids are still listening, so maybe when they NEED a job, they will understand how to get one.

10. I'd pay a little grandma to wander the mall for a day with a hidden camera planted on her, and she could just pull people aside and tell them thing like:
* cover that sh*t up, no one wants to see it

*next time buy a bra that fits

*get your tongue out of her mouth, you're sitting in the play area

Maybe I just want Maxine from Shoebox?

11. I'd pay a team of scientists to develop a device that would kill thumping car stereos when they pulled up next to my car. Don't get me wrong, I like my music loud, but when I can't hear it over the rattle of my windshield being shaken loose by your car stereo, it's on! My little device would hum quietly, and their fortune in stereo equipment would cough and sputter and then give a little wheeze. While we watched, the muscle-bound no neck boys (and the delicate boys who spend waaay too much money on hair product) would scream like girls and start to cry...

12. Take all of my girlfriends on a child-free mom's vacation, with lots of lounging, spa, and time to read guilt-free. Or maybe we'd take the kids, but hire three nannies to tag team the kids...

13. I'd tour the U.S. and include a space shuttle launch, each national park, a week in Washington D.C., and a month in Hawaii.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

WTF Wednesday

Fact: Turbo Tax screwed up the filing of my tax return.

Fact: When I called about the filing status, the gentleman in India was lovely and advised me to start over.

Fact: When I started over, I ran it six different times, and was always a thousand dollars short compared with that first return.

Fact: Turbo Tax notified me six weeks later that there was an error, and if I went in and clicked HERE, the very first return I wanted to file could be sent--and oh, by the way, for my time and trouble, they were going to send me a $25 check.

Fact: My stupid taxes had already been filed for the lesser amount because I was pining for spending money.

Fact: They did send me a check and it promptly fell behind the microwave.

So there are the facts. From here on everything may be slightly less than objective. Turbo Tax really owed me $1000, not $25. So knowing that my $975 was gone, I found the expired check the other day, and I gave the telephone # printed on the check a call. It was Intuit.

"Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I have an expired check from your company--could you have another one cut?" Apparently I would have to call the Turbo Tax help line for this issue. Okay.

"Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I have an expired check from your company--could you have another one cut?" Lovely Indian gentleman explained that If I had a problem with my refund, I should call the IRS.

No, no. There was a software error and to compensate me for my time and trouble, YOUR company sent me a check. I just need a new one. Okay, please hold.

***insert theme to Jeopardy***

Ma'am, if there is an issue with your check, you should call the IRS.

No, it's not an IRS Check--it's from YOUR company. I just need a new one. This one is expired. Okay, please hold.

***insert chicken dance polka tune***

Thank you for holding, ma'am. If your check is expired, you will have to call the IRS to get a new one issued.
But-but, it's not a check from them. It's from you. YOU sent it to me. Maybe I should speak to your supervisor? Please hold.

***theme to I Dream of Jeannie***

This is the supervisor, can I help you?
Yes, yes you can. I have a check. A check from your company. It has expired. I just wanted to know if I could have another one.
We sent you a check? Are you a vendor?
No. I am a customer and I was sent this check to compensate me because your software screwed up my income tax filing.
If there was an error on your check, you must call the IRS.
But it's not their check. It's yours.
Please hold.

***tick, tick, tick****

Ma'am, I'll have to look into this and have someone call you back. Would that be alright? Absolutley.

So rather than wait, I call the number printed on the check, and ask for accounts payable. who transfers me to accounts recievable. who transfers me to the refund department, who transfers me to Doug. Doug says: You have a check from our company, and it has expired? We screwed up your taxes? That's terrible! I'll get a new check cut right away!

It got there the NEXT DAY.

Doug at Intuit, I would have your baby. I love you.


Three weeks later, I get a call at work. It's Wayne with Turbo Tax USA--he got a message that I wanted someone from America to call me.


I was by no means an ugly American, there were no nasty comments about blah blah India Stealing American jobs, I did not even raise my voice. I at no point specified that I wanted an American.

That's all I've got, unless Intuit wants to give me the other $975 that they owe me.

Tuesday, July 11

Who would play YOU?

My ex-husband had two brothers that lived in the same small town that they all grew up in. Brother #1 had a wife who was AWESOME. She was fiendishly smart and funny and I adored her. Brother #2 had rotten luck with women, and his wife (Wife #2, although she was actually, I think, #4) was a road dog. She was nice in a scary Jerry Springer kind of way. She insisted throughout her pregnancy that her doctor said beer and cigarettes were okay, as long as she limited her self to no more that 2 beers a day, and that the stress from quitting smoking would be worse than any possible effects the smoke could have. You want to smoke? Tell us to mind our own damned business. Don't try telling us it's doctor recommended.

So we were up visiting one fine day, and they decide to play the movie star game. What movie star do YOU think would play you in a movie? So Wife # 1, all of five feet tall, chooses Sharon Stone. Okay, so this is TOTAL fantasy, I get it. Wife #2 chooses Daryl Hannah--well, she is skinny and blonde, and again, this is a total fantasy game. So they ask me who would play me, and I've been wrestling a two year old Big O, so I've not given it a lot of thought. They put their heads together and decide that they know exactly who would play me... are you ready?

Mare Winningham!

You know, I have nothing against Ms. Winningham, but as actresses go, isn't she more of a character actress- because she looks just like the rest of us? I was stunned, but as always, too polite to say anything like what I was actually thinking: Excuse me, Thing 1 and Thing 2, but I thought this was fantasy. If this were going to be a game about actresses who actually look like you, Wife #1 would be Linda Blair, and Wife # 2 would be Courtney Love on crack.

I stewed on that for weeks. I finally decided that I would be played by Kristen (sp?) Smart, ala Third Rock From the Sun. She's tall and blondish and funny as hell.

As it turned out, the wives were closer than anyone suspected, and while they never officially became a couple, poor brother #2 is on wife #5 and brother #1 was later dumped for a big burly girl wearing lots of flannel.

Who would play YOU in the movie?


I'm sorry, her name is Kristen Johnston, Kristen Smart was the poor college student who disappeared while going to Cal-Poly. I hope there's a special place in hell for her killer.

Monday, July 10

No Complaints! Well, only One.

The wedding was Hot as Hell, but not the bride's fault. The spread was amazing, the people were nice--okay, the mariachis were amplified, THAT was a mistake. We had a great time, Little O danced all night. Literally. She did not stop.

But the tuxedo... My honey looked very debonair. In spite of the lazy bitches at the bridal shop. Bitchlet #1 refused to actually measure him properly for the tux, she sort of held the tape measure to his waist, let it drop to the floor, and eyeballed it. She was too damned lazy to get down on her hands and knees in her tube top and gauchos and four inch heels. If you can't work in it, don't WEAR it to WORK. I let it go, told my honey to call and see if the groom had had the same experience, he had--wasn't real worried about it. That's what the fitting is for.
Apparently bitchy #2 didn't do a whole lot. I could not go to the fitting, and she didn't adjust the hem on the pants, did not include the button covers, and oh, by the way, gave him a shirt for a necktie, not a bowtie.
I was not there for the fitting, but baby, I took that thing back.

They asked how the wedding went, and were we happy, and I explained that we were happy with everything but the tux. Bitchy #2 was there, and decided to blame the whole thing on my Honey not speaking up about the fit. Well, they have a converted Victorian for the shop, and while the Brides have a huge dressing room, the fellows get to use the bathroom under the stairs. She admitted that she never put him in front of a full length mirror, AND she had no memory of telling him that the length was fine. You know what? I was okay with that. He could have pushed the length issue himself.
But then she says that she can't keep track of which bridal party is wearing which shirt, and why didn't he speak up about it.

****My Bitchy Inner-manager locks in and I'm now seeing red with the little laser sight marks off to the sides****

Excuse me? Is this not a bridal shop? The point of everyone renting tuxedos from the same place is to ensure that everyone is wearing the same thing to the wedding, is it not? I see that you have the correct style shirt written down on your paper. That isn't helping your case--if it's written down on the paper that accompanied the tuxedo, then YOU should have caught it either when you received the merchandise, or when he tried it on. You seriously expect a man who walks in wearing a Steelers T-Shirt to know the differences between collars, and what the bride ordered?

I didn't care if they sent a check to the bride, I felt that they needed to acknowledge that they screwed up, and as a result, her wedding was not everything that she had planned. I found it interesting that they said, oh, no, this has nothing to do with HER, it would only have to do with her if we had messed up her dress.
But it was HER wedding. You.Messed.Up.Her.WEDDING. How can a bridal shop not get this concept? What are they doing in this business?

So they gave me twenty bucks back from the tuxedo rental. Okay. I can live with that. I was shooting for ten. It's the principle of the thing.

Saturday, July 8

One Red Paperclip...

Breanna? He gets his house on Weds. Fourteen trades to get from a paperclip to a house. Are the rest of you familiar with this guy? It only took him a year. sigh.

I am green with envy. Except for that whole Saskatchewan part of the deal. I've only ever been to British Columbia, but I'm sure Saskatchewan is equally pretty. I could probably afford a house if I moved out of state.

On a totally unrelated note, the local country radio station is giving away tickets to the Alameda County Fair. Let's not even address the fact that Alameda county is a drive of more than an hour, through god-awful traffic.

For those of you not familiar with Northern California Geography-- Alameda County? You may know it as Oakland. What are they doing sending good ole boys from the central valley into the heart of Oakland? Is Berkeley partially inAlameda County? IF it is, again, why would they send Country music fans into the not-so-secret-heart of radically-liberal America? Is this some misguided attempt to reclaim Alameda County for the Okies and Rednecks?

Blogging Rules

I was wandering through the Thursday Thirteen-ers yesterday, and ran across an admonition to never ever hot-link. Now I'm terrified about blogging faux pas. I've been merrily copying things here and there (I am almost Casual Slack's own blog stalker) and now I'm worried I'll offend without meaning to. If I intend to piss you off, well now that's just FUN.

Are there guidelines posted somewhere that you have run across? And I'm talking bullet points, people. No references to legal documents written to hold up in court. My attention span is only slightly longer that my three year old's for things like this.

If you notice any egregious sins, or know of any blog-etiquette sites, let me know!

Friday, July 7

Country Club tales...

So my Honey is in a wedding this weekend. His best friend from kindergarten is marrying a 24 year old infant (who, I have to say, is Such a nice kid--Thank God!) on Saturday, at the local country club. When we pulled up for the rehearsal it looked like prom nite, but it was the asian prom-- 15-20 beautiful asian girls in formal dresses--not full length, but definitely DRESSES. There was nothing casual about these.

I am now feeling very glamorous in my trusty "skinny" black pants and black jacket. I'm 5'10" in bare feet, and none of these girls' heads reached my shoulder since I had heels on. So I am the Jolly black Giant wading through this sea of skinny, exotic fashionistas. If this is the bridal party, I'm going to have to strangle the very nice Bride. We walk into the lobby, and there are 20 or so MORE twigs in dresses I'd kill to wear. Just as I was sighing to myself and renewing my diet pledge, the gods sent me a sign. Miss Perfect Hair and Makeup #26 (a size 00, if not something from the children's department-grrr), standing four feet away and talking to her friends, starts digging her thong out of her ass through her dress. Her back was NOT to the wall, and there was nothing subtle about it. She SNAPPED that thing back into place loud enough that it caused my Honey to turn around.

It's comforting to remember that skinny doesn't buy class.

IT was NOT the wedding party, it was the local university's school of Pharmacology having their graduation party. So when a skinny little asian girl in a white coat comes out to talk to you about possible side effects, remember this lovely vignette.

The country club is beautiful, all done in a very clean Arts & Crafts style, no chintz in sight. My favorite part is that at the check-in desk, they post the info about applicants for membership. If five club members object to the candidates during the two week posting period, the application is denied. Along with personal information, they post a picture of the applicants. To, hmm, check skin tones, perhaps? Did you ever see Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell? If not, you should rent it immediately. Love those fade outs...


Forgot the part when the Mexican minister asked to buy a beer at the bar while waiting for the wedding party to show up, dressed very nicely in a polo and jeans, with nice leather sandals (No hairy toes sticking out). He was told that they would not serve people in jeans. When we came in, one of the groomsmen is standing there in his denim shorts, hawaiian shirt and flip flops, and he said that they didn't even charge him for the beer! Tell ME that they don't post those pictures for a reason. (Although the honey and I agree that the groomsman looks like George Eades' twin....(I think that's the guy who plays Nick on CSI) Maybe the bunny behind the bar thought it was him. Twins, I tell ya.

Thursday, July 6

My Other Sweaty Hero...

Is John McEnrat. I hope you can read this!

 Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, July 5

Thursday 13-first attempt!

Thirteen Things that Jen will never say, but Really wants to.

1…. Less Drama, mama. If you did not have an earth-shattering crisis every other frigging day, we might care. While you're at it? Be Nice!

2…. I know that you cheated, and it changed my opinion of love forever.

3…. Real men support their children in more than one way. Step up.

4…. If you watch your mouth, people will respect you more.

5…. I hope you find the person who will love you for who you are, it was never going to be me.

6…. He's lying to you, and I hate that I can't brace you for it. (see #2)

7…. Why do you love them more?

8…. Don't share EVERYTHING. Please.

9…. Put your cell phones away, you are at work. I mean you.

10…. Tales of your bleak and horrid childhood are not endearing. Don't slip them into casual conversations like they are trivia questions.

11…. I know eight ways to kill you using nothing but my credit card and a rubber band, and if you don't shut the hell up and start doing your JOB, I'll show you number five. Tell your girlfriend you'll call her later. It's called CUSTOMER service. I have my atm, where is a rubber band...

12…. I really dislike your mother and I'm stunned that she had anything to do with who you are.

13…. Your kid is going to grow up to be a whore. She's well on her way.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

I have not yet mastered adding links and the whole html voodoo, so apologies to the folks who responded! I'll work on that...

My Descent into public service...

Why do I think Darwin is dead?

Aside from those high school jobs that you do for weekend money, my work-life began at a Mall bookstore, B. Dalton. Anyone remember that? B.Dalton? Orange and brown? Yep that's the one! I loved the bookstore but there was no money. Fourteen years later, as B.Daltons were swallowed whole by their mutant sibling, B&N, I jumped ship and went to Bath & Body Works, lured by the higher wage and the chance to wear shorts to work. (I'm really not hard to please) I left B&BW as they changed their corporate philosophy to be a little more upscale, and was just the bored at-home mom until Big Dogs opened a store in the mall, and I couldn't stay away! Shorts at work, again! I managed that for a few years, until kids and retail hours got to be too much. Then I got the glorious job that I have now, nestled in the heart of Corporate America, at a public utility.

Let me tell you, I like selling things. I think it's fun to be enthusiastic, without being annoying, and play if someone wants to buy something. Really? Do you want to get something else, too? I'm not going to shove anything down anyone's throat, but if they want help, baby, I'm their girl.

Now I work for the great unwashed. They don't want anything more, they don't even really want what I have to give them. Coincidentally, the IQ and general conversational skills of the clientele has decreased incrementally with each job. Today I told someone that their service day is every Thursday.

"So is that twice a week service?"

Um, I dunno, do you have two Thurdays in your week? Because it's always been just one for me.

"No, ma'am. Just once a week."

"Okay, just checking."


I miss the bookstore. I miss people with all neurons firing, and people who wear deodorant.

Is that wrong?

WTF Wednesday

I've got nothing for you today...

Still tired from last night.

OR you could go to this apalling link and check out a very bad idea.


How's that for lazy? I'll just send you to read somebody else's blog.

Because It's Just Not A Holiday

Until someone gets shot. 
Welcome to the Central Valley.Took both my O's and a mini van full of mexican in-laws to the downtown waterfront for fireworks.  Just as the finale finishes, the crowd starts screaming and coming towards us in a wave.  GREAT. 
Sister-in-Law has baby and where is Big O who's got elderly mother in law OKAY.
I've established that everyone is on their feet, not going to be trampled, but piggy and the blanket and the stupid bags for the lawnchairs are still down.  Scoop it all up and move to join my group on our 4-5 block hike back to the cars. 
Or, we can wait while Sister-in-law, who has passed off little O to favorite nephew, marches back into the fleeing crowd to pin down a cop to find out what just happened.  Frankly, I don't care what just happened, I just want to put my babies to bed and find a shot of something.  However, she finds a man in blue, gets the skinny, and thank you, NOW can we get the fuck on down the road?  Obnoxious brother in law takes off without waiting for his elderly mother, just takes his own kid, favorite nephew carrying MY child, along with alternate sister in law and her child and they are moooving on. 
This leaves my Honey, Big O, SIL, elderly MIL, and favorite teenage niece about a half a block behind.  We are making good progress until SIL spots someone having trouble in the crowd.  Nobody is helping them, so SIL makes a U turn,  whips out her cell phone and calls 911 for them. 
THIS I don't have a problem with, but OBIL is still moving.  We finally get him to stop and wait.  These two guys have sandwiched this woman between them because she's fainted and they don't want to lay her down to be trampled by the crowd, which is still moving at a pretty fast pace.   OBIL just wants to go.  I have to pry the only adult lawn chair we have from his hands so we can offer these poor people some relief until EMS gets there.  Cop or EMS guy finally shows, he can give the ambulance directions, and we are free!!!   Wait for my lawn chair back?  Hell, no. 
I asked Big O stick to elderly MIL so she has a young spry runner, and he is stuck like glue to a responsible adult.  Best of Both worlds.  Motherhumming OBIL has taken off again, AGAIN with my daughter in his half of the group. 
I am not pissed that we stopped to help or that I lost a lawn chair.  (I always lose them one way or another)  But we did NOT need to stop and pump the cop for info, and motherhumming inconsiderate OBIL could have waited for his own freaking mother. 
Big O declares it the worst fourth in the history of mankind, and demands that we go to my parent's sleepy hick town for next year.  Little O says she doesn't want to go back there (the waterfront), it was scary. 
Nothing mentioned on the news when we get home.  Just another day in the Valley.

Tuesday, July 4

My patriotism knows no bounds...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about George W Bush!

  1. George W Bush can sleep for three and a half years!
  2. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching George W Bush.
  3. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of George W Bush!
  4. More people are killed by George W Bush each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
  5. Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by George W Bush.
  6. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using George W Bush.
  7. George W Bush has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.
  8. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are George W Bush.
  9. Olympic badminton rules say that George W Bush must have exactly fourteen feathers.
  10. The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of George W Bush.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Happy 4th

Here it is!

This evil thing has a food reviewing blog where it talks about what mommy and daddy are eating. ugh. The photo captions in flickr are better stuff. Anything revolving around this cat should have a darker theme, like the cat is your blog stalker.

Monday, July 3

Some things you should know about me...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jen!

  1. Ideally, Jen should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
  2. Jen has three eyelids.
  3. Reindeer like to eat Jen.
  4. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of Jen!
  5. You can tell if Jen has been hard-boiled by spinning her. If she stands up, she is hard-boiled.
  6. If you break Jen, you will get seven years of bad luck!
  7. An average beaver can cut down Jen every year!
  8. Astronauts get taller when they are in Jen.
  9. Jen once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest!
  10. Jen can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory!
I am interested in - do tell me about

The Honda Gods can be cruel...

Easter Island - 21, originally uploaded by goron.

Yes, the Honey is back at work, and the first thing they do is screw with his schedule, causing me to call in for Monday, because there's no one to watch the kids.

Not really a fate worse than death, but it means 2 vacation days gone, since the Fourth won't be paid for slackers who call in the day before.

On a totally unrelated note, if you search FLICKR for tiki, there is an evil hairless cat that is posted again and again. I really wanted to share this picture with you all, but all of my efforts have failed. This feline looks like evil incarnate. Seriously, you should go for a look...

This cat should belong to Dick Small.