Land that I Love...

A girlfriend from Iowa is having her younger brother move out to live with her and her boyfriend. He has never been out to see the West Coast, and he’s moving here. The more she talks to him, the more she is convinced that the poor boy thinks he’s moving to San Diego.

This is a mistake I think a lot of young people make when they move to the Golden State. We have a lot of coastline, but a lot of it is frigging FREEZING. The warm sunny beaches make up a very small percentage of what California has to offer. Hot chicks in bikinis, riding around in convertibles, dying to flash earnest young men? Only on TV, man.

What you are far more likely to see in every part of the state is a migrant family ekeing out a living, in a ramshackle stucco house. Redneck families with an assortment of scrap metal in their yard. A landlord pulling away in a Mercedes, going back to the “right” side of town.

I’m not saying that we are all hand to mouth vagabonds. There are plenty of affluent families of all races, creeds, and colors. But there is a neighborhood in every town that never makes it to the sitcoms and dramas on TV, and I think her brother is in for a huge slap in the face. Poor boy.

Having said that, I love California. I grew up in the far North of Northern California, and sneered at those fools on TV who referred to the bay area as Northern California. As far as I am concerned, it’s still Central California until you get to Sacramento.

But it is a glorious state with so much more than beaches and movie stars. I love the rolling hills between Vacaville and San Francisco, I love the red dirt and manzanita bushes around Whiskeytown Lake. I am in AWE of the variety and scope of CA’s natural offerings.

My other girlfriend (the other Jen)is moving to Coarsegold, which is south of Yosemite. I went to see her new palace today, and was struck again by these thoughts as I drove through the stucco shacks in Madera and then hit the dusty plain on highway 145. The geography changes abruptly and starts climbing….

See?

yep

  

I am sick.

104.6 F
Originally uploaded by dianny.

I found this photo on Flickr and it made me laugh. I was dying to know what the ointment was for--turns out it's an ear thermometer. Not so funny that way, but I appreciate the generic Vitamin I. They don't tell you that Ibuprofen is necessary in life, but they should. My mom and her nurses always called it Vitamin I.

I have a sore throat and the lovely feverish skin that feels like every nerve ending is being stroked--not painfully, just constantly. It seems to roll across me in waves. Add the dizziness and inability to stay warm, and it's going to be a lovely night.

BWAAHAHAHA!

I am so embarrassed. I got my TT up, but thought it was Wednesday the
whole time I wrote it (usually when I do it), and then I left this
little note on the TT hub about how amazed I was that at 1 am on
Thursday morning, I could be so far behind the TT pack. Try Friday
morning, genius.

oops.

I did the same thing a few weeks ago, but THAT time I posted too
early.

On a side note, I am wearing a striped mock polo type shirt from Lane
Bryant. Lane Bryant, the retailer dedicated to big girls and their
fashion choices. I would still assert that big pouffy/lacy/ruffled
pirate shirts are a fashion mistake on almost anyone, but Big girls in
particular, but LB tries to be fashion forward, and I try to respect
that.

However.

On my springy stripey mock polo, there is a tiny novelty pocket above
my left breast. Okay, the horizontal stripes on a stretch shirt, placed
upon a curvaceous woman, become a little distorted. I can live with
that. But then throw on a miniature pocket so it looks like a fun house
mirror with my chest eight times as large as the teeny pocket receding
in the distance? Thanks, guys.

I love this shirt for it's clean, bright colors. It looks very crisp
to me.

In a funhouse sort of way.

Thursday 13 #13! --13 Magazines I love

1. Cuisine at Home Best, easiest recipes, easy to follow directions, yum.

2. Harper's Magazine Brain food-- an interesting cross section of liberal media--a little bit of everything, the Index alone is worth the price of a subscription.

3. National Geographic Long a favorite of schoolboys everywhere, this magazine is the coolest for incredible photo essays AND exotic locations.

4. Real Simple A little bit of everything, but beautiful and simple and clean. Love it.

5. Cook's Illustrated Magazine This is the advanced version of #1. They are much less concerned with simple and easy, their point is to find the best result, and then they'll worry about easier if possible. The PBS Show America's Test Kitchen is from the folks who put out this magazine. Love them.

6. Discover It's not quite science for dummies, but it IS science in everyday language, much more approachable than other science journals.

7. Vanity Fair This is a total Guilty Pleasure. It's like People Magazine, but instead of the story about the Wal Mart clerk, they have the story about the Art Thief, or the Uber rich dog trainer, or whatever--it's snobby People. What a life...

8. Everyday Food The unstoppable Martha Stewart gave me something to compete with Cuisine--but I don't like the size--I want something I can lay flat as I dribble sauce on it.

9. Print Magazine I don't claim to read this--it's a graphic design magazine that is over my head/out of my league. But Years of working at the bookstore got me hooked on their annual design issue--I've said it before, I love cheese. I clever graphics and funny ads, and I pour over this thing when I run across it. Marvelous stuff.

10. Car and Driver Magazine My dad is a car junky. Not to fix them up, but he loves toys, and likes to know what the newest toys are. I have always loved cars. I blame it on my father.

11. Turtle Magazine Again, my father. I had a subscription when I was little, and there was a series of Baba Yaga stories that my dad and I read together. There were probably only one or two about the Russian (Slavic?) witch living in her cottage, but that time with my dad was HUGE to me, and I will always love Turtle for that time with him.

12. Rolling Stone It was my bible in high school. Not so much anymore, I haven't bought an issue in a few years (when did THAT happen?), but the first of it's kind.

13. Smithsonian Magazine My former sister-in-law had a subscription to this. It's like an Americana version of national geographic--minus the stunning photography (usually). Great stuff.

14. I know, I know, it's THIRTEEN things, but every year, Better Homes & Gardens does a Christmas Cookies magazine. I don't want their other seasonal stuff--I just want an annual subscription to THIS. My Christmas season is kind of a failure if I don't grab one. I'll see one in the store and think I'll get it next time and then never see it again. ARGH!

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Linky Love...

Interesting and thought provoking.

My Belief-O-Matic Results are in!

I stole this from the Irreverant Antisocial Intellectual.

It's quite a shock, as I was raised Seventh Day Adventist. Imagine finding Scientology and Christian Scientist higher on the list than SDA...Won't mother be proud? Actually, it looks like almost everything is ranked higher. What does it mean for my daughter's baptism that Roman Catholic is the least likely? hmmm...

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (98%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (88%)
4. Taoism (77%)
5. Secular Humanism (74%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (74%)
7. Bah�'� Faith (74%)
8. Mahayana Buddhism (72%)
9. Orthodox Quaker (68%)
10. Neo-Pagan (62%)
11. New Age (61%)
12. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (60%)
13. Nontheist (59%)
14. Jainism (58%)
15. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (53%)
16. Reform Judaism (52%)
17. New Thought (49%)
18. Sikhism (48%)
19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (45%)
20. Scientology (42%)
21. Hinduism (41%)
22. Jehovah's Witness (41%)
23. Islam (38%)
24. Orthodox Judaism (38%)
25. Seventh Day Adventist (32%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (22%)
27. Roman Catholic (22%)

Butterfly Update

Here's where we are so far on Little O's wings. My mother laughed her head off when I finally 'fessed up. She says I'm crazy for sewing it instead of gluing it all together.

She may be right. 

Tasty Tuesday- Bread Pudding

Still no fantastic Rum cake. WTF did I do with the recipe?

More Badness...

Don’t Think About It Bread Pudding

Topping
2 Tablespoons sugar
½ teaspoon Cinnamon


Pudding
4 large eggs plus 1 large egg yolk
¾ cup sugar
2 ½ cups whole milk
2 ½ cups heavy cream
3 Tablespoons bourbon
1 Tablespoon Vanilla extract
¾ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
12 ounces (about ½ loaf) good quality american style white bread, sliced 3/8 inch thick and cut into 1 ½ inch cubes (about 8 cups)*okay, I used mini-croissants, hence the name
1 ½ Tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, plus more for
greasing the baking dish

1. FOR THE TOPPING: stir them together, genius.

2. FOR THE PUDDING: adjust an oven rack to the lower-middle position and heat the oven to 325*I think mine was at 350-yikes! Butter a 13 x 9 baking dish.

3. Wisk the eggs, yolk, and sugar in a large bowl to blend well. Whisk in the milk, cream, bourbon, vanilla, nutmeg and salt. Stir in 6 cups of bread; mix thoroughly to moisten. Let stand 20 minutes.

4. Pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Scatter the remaining 2 cups bread cubes on top, pushing them down gently to partially submerge. Brush the exposed bread with the melted butter and sprinkle with the topping.

5. Bake until the pudding turns a deep golden brown, is beginning to rise up the sides of the baking dish, and jiggles very slightly at the center when shaken, 45 to 50 minutes. A knife inserted in center should be partially coated with semi-set custard, not clean!

go here. support kimmie.

My Friend Kim
Has a heart bigger than the Rocky Mountains.

She takes care of everyone around her and now has found a way to take care of people that she has never met. She's just that way.

You should go read her tale and tell me if YOU have a cause that you feel strongly about. One special cause, I mean. Because I know you feel strongly about lots of things.

Opertion Lose That Ass--update--NOT!

So this ought to be an update, telling you all about my magnificent ass and how skinny I'm getting. Instead I'm going to tell you that we took the Honey's mother to the Indian Casino in Lincoln on Sunday for her birthday.

Whenever anyone says they've been gambling, MIL asks if it's fun, and then mentions that she's never been. Then she sighs. Then she sighs again. For her Birthday this year, we took her gambling. We figured it was a safe bet, because if she DIDN'T like the machines, there was always the buffet--and this woman loves her some buffet.

We spent more time at the buffet than we did gambling. I admit that I did not spend all of my money gambling--when we squeak by on a regular basis, it causes me physical pain to throw money away, on the off chance that I will be struck by lightning. Physical pain, people.

But as a result, I had money to buy groceries today!

I don't think MIL was impressed with her gambling experience, and while I enjoyed the sunday brunch aspects of the buffet (give me an omlette bar and keep the mimosas coming), MIL sniffed and said Hometown Buffet had a better selection. Given that she is diabetic who doesn't drink, I could see her point--They had nothing sugar free for our little diabetic, versus a whole range of sugar free desserts at Hometown.

Ye Gods, I hate Hometown.

Originally we were supposed to get all of the siblings to try and come, but favorite fantastic sister-in-law kept changing the launch time from our original noon, so the fliers I printed up sat in my car until Sunday morning, when I finally threw them away as I was clearing space for MIL and SIL to sit. What time did we finally get on the road, you ask? Oh, about noon.

So yes, Nikki, Sayre, and Quinn, along with other OLTA participants, I sat for TWO hours at the all you can eat buffet on Sunday.

I walked the perimeter of the casino while everyone blew their remaining cash, but any possible health benefits were mitigated by the carpet of cigarette smoke that coated the place. In California, you are ostracized and banished to the door next to the dumpsters if you smoke. Actually, 20 feet away from the doors, so that puts you IN the dumpsters, doesn't it? It makes us non-smokers spoiled. All that crazy fresh air DOES things to you, man. Walking into the Indian casinos, with their sovreign authority to let people suck down those ciggys, is bizzarre. They were like human smoke stacks.

Bitchy people watching was fun, though...

Anyway, I wore a pair of pants today that I had to DIG for, because it had been so long since I had been able to wear them. If I have to write poems, I'll write them in smaller pants than I started in, and THAT was my goal.

kiss kiss.

Damn those shades of Grey....

I am a liberal. You may have noticed.

This man has always appeared to me to be the epitome of right wing zealotry, second only to good old Strom Thurmond. He WAS the Republican anitchrist until Dubya and tricky Dick were elected.

In the October issue of Discover Magazine, he asserts some surprisingly moderate positions--some verge on open minded. I found this to be somewhat disconcerting, in light of his past image.

Then it all became clear. In a small throwaway line it is mentioned that oh, by the way, he'll probably be running in '08. For the big house. You know, the White one.

GAK.

Consider this my plea to the Democratic party--Please for the love of Dog, come up with a viable candidate--QUICKLY. President Gingrinch. I just threw up in my mouth. I still liked the interview. But Not in the white house. Please. 

Halloween Madness...

So I mentioned on WTF Wednesday that Toys R Us online didn't recognize the term hula hoop. I went to the actual store, and found, not a hula hoop, but a Wave Hoop--apparently the newest, tarted-up cousin of the plain jane hula hoop. Yes, it was encased in some sort of Mylar sheathing that was peeling the first time Little O dropped it in the parking lot--whatever--it was on sale, and that was all that I wanted. I was only going to cut it in half.

Guess what makes it a Wave hoop? Can you see it coming?





Yes, the frigging thing was water filled. As were my shoes when I cut it open.

But it WAS the right size and structure to fill out the wings.

In the meantime, the girls at work have caught the bug and are planning costumes for work. One VERY daring co-worker received her online shipment of the Marilyn dress she will be wearing to work. I am jealous and apprehensive at the same time. This girl goes ALL OUT on her costumes. Last year she came as Maleficent, from Sleeping Beauty--one of my favorite villains for pure evil's sake, by the way--and she totally kicked ass. I would love to get a sexpot Marilyn costume, but it would be porn gone bad to appear in something with a neckline that plunging when I am overendowed to the point of cartoony-ness. We are actively encouraging this girl to get some serious pasties if she plans on wearing this cheap white costume material as the only covering to her worldly goods. I think she is beginning to see our points--just as long as we don't see hers! But all kidding aside, she is going to look phenomenal and My competitive streak is kicking in--I know what I want to be.

I want to be little red riding hood in a little-girl dress and a red hood.

If you look online at plus sized costumes, they all involve bustiers or the bend-me-over-and-do-me lengths. This is something I want to wear to WORK and then take my (then) four year old daughter trick-or-treating in. Lifting the aforementioned cartoony proportions up even further with a bustier would be obscene, and the do-me short skirts are equally inappropriate because most of my height comes from my legs. We won't even address the sites that advertise plus sized costumes that go all the way up to a fourteen! Okay, yes we will. Fourteen is where plus sizes START, you skinny bitches! Don't advertise a plus sized costume that is a twelve. Go eat a sandwich, you anorexic whore. (that would be the web master, not the size 12)

Ahem, anyway...

I decided that a square dancing outfit would still give that little girl look with the crinolines and the traditional style, but probably be a more respectable length. Only problem? They DANCE, so they're ACTIVE, so they don't really get a whole lot of requests for a size 18-20 dress. I think I found an old lady on E-bay who's selling off stuff, but e-bay is strangely resistant to my charms, and won't let me register. I can't ask questions until I register. Hopefully my psychic twin Jen, who CAN access E-bay, will be able to find out more...

Thursday 13 #12--13 Things to Learn!

13 Things Jen needs to Learn

1. Wine-- I would like to know the difference between fruity and dry, slightly acidic with a hint of lavender…the grapes were grown on the northernmost side of the vineyard, in a year with lots of rain, and they were…(sip) hmm, yes, picked by a left handed man wearing argyle socks. Barring that, I’d like to be able to drink a strong red without making faces.
2. Belly dancing—I have wanted to learn how since I was four—one of my parent’s friends knew how and used to let me play with her finger cymbals. I was actually enrolled at Parks & Rec five years ago, but got a job that forced me to quit due to scheduling conflicts—I’ll learn to belly dance if I have to do it when I’m sixty five. I will.
3. Time Management—I am eternally late. To everything. My family takes bets as to when I will show up for things. I would like to be prompt—I know some people take is as a sign of disrespect when you’re late, but I am, literally, late to everything.
4. Tai Chi—There used to be a tai chi class in the mornings at the mall, and while their annoying Japanese banjo music would put me to sleep just when I most needed to wake up, it seemed like a great way to exercise in a low impact way. (If I hadn’t needed something upbeat to get me going, I’m sure the music would be peaceful and soothing—just not at 8 am.)
5. HTML—I’d like to learn all of the arcane voodoo based languages that blogger runs on—I REALLY want to learn the lining out thing—those make me laugh. I’d like to understand how to make my blog as pretty and smooth as the ones I see as I travel the Thursday Thirteen blogroll…
6. Whiskey!! My Girl Jen, the other half of each Jennfactor tale, has learned to differentiate single malt from whatever the alternative is, and good whiskey from bad—that is such a guy’s girl kind of thing to know—How cool! (Without being a hard drinking road dog chewing on a seegar, not knowing where your underwear went.)
7. Cake Decorating—I want to be able to make magnificent creations using FONDANT—I drool over those glorious cakes, and while I can FAKE a regular butter cream cake, I want to make one of those flawless, gorgeous, not-sure-I-want-to-eat-it-because-it’s-just-too-pretty pieces of art.
8. House Cleaning—I am a terrible housekeeper and I am deeply ashamed of how very bad I am. I’d like to work as a temp at merry maids, to learn how to get it done efficiently and painlessly. I’d work for free if they’d just teach me.
9. Typing. I type for a living, but that doesn’t mean it’s a skill I have mastered. I am an outstanding Customer Service Rep, but a terrible typist. You may have noticed.
10. Pastry—When Martha/Julia Child talks about a Brioche, I want to say—oh, yes, of course! A brioche! I’d like to have a secret pie crust recipe that I am not afraid of, that makes buttery flaky crusts just like my frozen Marie Calendar’s ones…homemade Danish to die for? Oh, it’s EASY!
11. Basic Auto Maintenance. I am thirty-five years old and have never changed my own oil or tire. I HATE being a dumb girl about these things. I’d like to look the mechanic is the eye and say –excuse me? How, exactly, are you going to charge me for four hours of labor for something that takes you TEN minutes to do? You have to have knowledge to back up a conversation like that.

12. Raising my Kids to be Independent Thinkers. I know what I WANT to give them, I'm just not sure I'm giving them the appropriate tools to become the adults I hope they will be. I hope they don't need too much therapy when they are grown...

13. How to finish a list of thirteen things without petering out at the end (sorry any Petes out there, that phrase must drive you guys nuts).

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

I again profess my Love for Mr. Linky, even though I am too cheap to express my love in cash form! I get the traffic I get, and I suspect I'd get a lot less if I failed to post each link that my fellow TT'ers leave. Which I would, in fact, fail to do, if it were not for Mr. Linky's magical widget.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants