Monday, January 15


I heard the name of a local high school athlete today, and it caught me off-guard.
It's such a distinctive name. It could be her. She wasn't mine, but I was ready to love her. My friend Lolly gave her to a couple that was ready, even desperate, for a child of their own. It was an open adoption, so Lolly got to help choose a name. It was an unusual name, and I heard it on the radio today.

I've often wondered about her. Lolly came from a CrAzY family, and while she had a wonderful relationship with her grandmother, she and her own mom were distant, bitter strangers, and that was how she liked it. When she showed up preggers and homeless, her mother was delighted. Here was something she could INSTRUCT her daughter in, and she would HAVE to listen...

She didn't know her very well.

She found herself a job, and she found herself an apartment, and proved to her mom and to herself that she could do anything she set her mind to. I was so eager to be supportive and helpful that I think I never shut up and listened. In the end, I was panicking, because she wasn't READY, and she thought she had to shield me from her decision, because I seemed so eager for the baby. I'd brought up adoption once, but she had shied away, so I decided I was gonna be all the support she DIDN'T get from her family. Aw, crap. I turned into the friendly version of her mom. I couldn't understand why she didn't think she needed a crib, some clothes, anything. What was she thinking? We had to think about the future, here!
And so I found out after the baby went south that Lolly HAD been thinking about more than one day to the next. She chose a better life for her daughter than what had been given to her. Her mother showed up at the same time as the adoptive parents, and made a huge scene, apparently. Just firmed up in Lolly's mind that what she was doing was the right choice for the kiddo.
I'm sad as I read about Quinn's miserable experience as an adoptee. I hope that Michael Anne has had a good run with her parents, and that they are supportive and loving. After I heard her name on the radio, I found the blog Do they have salsa in China, something like that, detailing their journey through the adoption process to adopt a baby (they ended up with twin girls!), and I read it from the start. It gives me hope that they are so filled with joy about those babies.
It's how you assume every adoptive parent starts out. I hope Lolly stayed in contact with M.A.'s family so she can answer questions, and maybe M.A. won't have to struggle with the why's. I'm sure she is a blessing to her family every day--even through the ugly hormonal years. (Sooooo not looking forward to those with Little O)

1 comment:

crse said...

Wow, that was a great thought provoking story. I work with two adopted little girls (different families altogether, both of origin and adopted) and am amazed at the difference in support between the two families. I think people seem to forget that just because a kid gets adopted its not a free pass to a great life...