Wednesday, March 28

Thirteen Cases of You Say Tomato

13 Cases of You say Tomato, I say psychopathic/germophobic/unlicensed witchdoctor/craptastic parenting. (Because I AM a perfect parent, thank you, Bre!)

1. By singing along with Carrie Underwood, am I teaching my daughter to be a trashy psychopath? Because that cheating song is catchy and much fun to sing, but if I think about the lyrics, it just screams pSyChO. Don’t know the words? Something like this:
I dug my keys into the side
Of (This/his) pretty little souped up four-wheel-drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
Took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
. Now I’ll admit to a momentary urge to slap the shit out of the silly bitch when I discovered evidence of the ex’s faithlessness--but then he would have cried, and it was soooo not worth the drama.
2. I was a picky eater. I empathize when my kid doesn’t want to eat something. I’m not making four separate dinners, but I’ll make the kids something if I know we’re having something they find ick. This drives the Honey crazy, since it means that my kids aren’t really game for new exotic foods at his mother’s. I see his point, but man, I was such a picky eater, and I had to take a bite of everything. At least a bite. I would sit at the table for hours facing down my bite of cottage cheese. Eating Cottage cheese was like swallowing vomit to me, and I could not do it. Why my mom loved it so much and served it on a regular basis I cannot fathom
3. Germs. Are you crazy about them? I must confess, I am pretty laid back about it all. I was reading a blog and the author confessed that she took her kids to the “germ pit” aka mall play place. Dude, I love those places. Little O can run herself ragged without having to buy a Crappy Meal.
4. But I am also the one that made the baby’s bottle from tap water. (I heard that gasp of horror) When the time came to switch to formula (Sorry, not a twelve month breastfeeder), I just didn’t see the point in buying special water. I am a big believer in building immunities to the ick of the world through repeated low dose exposures.
5. We don’t do anti-bacterial products in the house, and use them sparingly out in the big bad world. The waterless aspects are too good to pass up, but anit-bac? Not so much.
6. My girlfriend had her daughter on an endless stream of anti-biotic treatments—to the point that she could just call the office and the nurse would call over another re-fill to the pharmacy. No visit, no discussion of symptoms. Isn’t that inherently bad medicine? What if she ever really gets an infection that requires antibiotics? She will be the walking supervirus-resistant to every medicine known to man, baby.
7. I hate the ticklers of the world. When we were kids, there was a man that we adored. But he tickled long past the point of funny or fun. He was not a bad man, there was nothing creepy or inappropriate, he just took things too far. Teasing kids to the point of crying and then mocking them for being babies? Equally Unfunny.
8. Keep track of your children, people. When I worked at B&N, people would drop their young grade schoolers off at the kid’s dept. and go socialize at the other end of the store. WTF? Your cutie pie firstgrader, without an ounce of guile or any natural inhibitions is chatting up the hobo who’d better stop scratching himself soon or I’ll have to intervene. Put down your fricking latte and be a parent. After I left, they were finally allowed to put up signs reminding parents to keep kids in sight. I still see people walk away from their kids. Sigh.
9. Does anyone have superstitious old-world in-laws? Here are a few things that I had never heard of until I gave birth to a Mexican-American princess:
10. Laying a red string on her forehead to cure her tiny baby hiccups. Nobody ever tries to do this to grown-ups, I notice.
11. The belly band to cover the umbillicus until it falls off. Even though they make diapers that go around it, you are supposed to wrap this weird soft piece of material twice around the belly, TIE it to them, and that way you protect the tender belly button. Hey, the BONUS? You then save the piece of flesh that fell off. Is there a spot for that in YOUR baby book?
12. When the soft spot is sunken, it DOESN”T mean she’s getting dehydrated, it means we need to take her to the witch doctor/native (Read unlicensed) chiropractor dude so he can push up on the roof of her mouth and “pop” her soft spot. So you want me to let some guy you know shove his thumb into my tiny daughter’s brainpan?
13. How young is too young to be walking home alone? Too young to be walking on the street AT ALL with no supervision? I live in an okay neighborhood, but Big O is only now (At 11) able to go out and wander the neighborhood without me. I see toddlers out in the yards without anyone out with them. Don’t these people watch TV? Have they ever checked the Megan’s law site for their area? Because I have, and I’m not happy. But at eleven, I can’t really chain him to his bed, and outside activities are healthy. Kids belong outside. We’ll talk about organized sports another day, my friends.


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22 comments:

Amelia Elias said...

You are an AWESOME parent. Just had to say that.

Studies show that when parents get hyperfreaktastic about germs and dirt, their children are ill more often. The immune system needs something to practice on, people. My sons spent an hour outside knee-deep in the huge rain puddle across the street (seriously, it's a flippin' block long and 20 feet wide!) They play in the dirt and climb trees and do all that kid stuff, and they are almost never sick. Maybe twice a year, MAYBE.

Great T13!

Coco said...

My mom would so totally agree with you on the germ/bacteria/antibiotics part. And hey, I'm perfectly healthy :P

Lisa said...

I'm with you on so many of those, but esp 3, 4, 7, & 8.

Happy Thursday.

Selena Kitt said...

We don't freak over germs either... and I've made formula with tap water, too... ;)

Selena

Janet said...

re: #3 - I'm with you on this, the media has made people germ phobic!

Journeywoman said...

Very cute list.

Mines up.

Raggedy said...

I can't believe people would leave their toddlers unattended!
Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
My TT is posted.
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy

Missy said...

People that willing let their children get away from them burn me up. Cool list. Thanks for sharing.

Terra said...

I agree with MOST of that... And yes to the "funny" doctors, I had a week long fight with my sweethearts grandmother about honey NOT being ok for a baby... And a lifelong fight with a different grandmother about "a baby will die if you let it see itself in the mirror before it is a year old..."

Yup... I am with you

(Oh and I forgot to close the last blog I was looking at and put the exact same comment in there, opps they are going to think I am crazy!)

crse said...

oh my god we are TWINS i tell you! know what else? i microwaved those bottles! I may post this anonymously because of the shame (tap water and also sucking the binky off to clean it in emergencies...like laziness or a good tv show)
we are the same parent my friend. the exact same parent. And for the record? tickling a baby's feet does not cause a stutter.

Stephanie said...

Great list! It amazes me how overprotective many parents are these days, yet how underprotective they are other in ways.

Carmen said...

I like your attitude about picky eating. My mom would make me something different when I was a kid. Made my dad so MAD! lol

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Cottage cheese is the nastiest stuff on earth.

I love your way of thinking! Did you read that study that said kids who are antibacterialed to death wind up being the sickly ones? They don't build up any tolerance to germs so they become super susceptible.

Oh, the B&N thing - one of my biggest peeves. Plus, all the sicko pervs trail bookstores and libraries for little ones. And where's MomBot? Sipping her latte while talking on her cell phone. Twits.

Ash said...

OhmiGAWD, are you my twin because almost everything on that list is.....my thing.
I'm not afraid of the germies and it'll take wolves to get me to feed my kid antibiotics(Ash believes in growing your own damn immunities)
You think the cheating song is bad? Leila loves the goodies song!
I never make Leila eat anything she does not like either. try one bite, if you don't like it, you don't have to try it again.
Tap water is bad, like ohmiGAWD, your baby will totally die if it drinks tap water(can you hear my sarcasm?)
Tickler's should all die, like right now, please!

Jen, awesome TT.

Mama Duck said...

Ha, how interesting!! I wouldn't let my little guy go outside, or anywhere, without me! Scary! Happy TT!

Lisa - Lil' Duck Duck

chelsea said...

I agree. Carrie underwood has issues and destroying someone's property; you will find yourself in jail and they will still be a cheater.

I agree with you about all the anti-bacterial cleaners, soaps, etc. They actually weaken your immunities and small children should not use them.

I have to admit, I am a cottage cheese lover esp with vinegar and salt chips. Yummy! But I understand about having to stare down food. I was forced to eat meat growing up and I absolutely hated the smell and taste of it. I could not wait until HS ended and I moved out. Been a vegetarian ever since.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

I am completely with you on all points, surprisingly enough...I kept reading on thinking surely you'd have some point that I would disagree with...but nope! And the unsupervised toddlers are one of my biggest peeves, I have a toddler and I would never ever dream of leaving her unsupervised like that. I won't even leave her in the car alone buckled in her seat in my own driveway for any longer than the time it takes to jump out, unlock the back door and drop our bags by the door.

Furthermore, the only thing nastier than cottage cheese is cheescake made with cottage cheese...I kid you not, my step-grandmother made it when I was a kid and I had to be polite and eat some of it! EWW!

Fence said...

Buying special water for formula? What sort of craziness is that, just boil tap water and you'll be grand.

Also #6, isn't that the reason diseases are becoming anti-biotic resistant? Only take 'em when you need 'em

Happy T13

Denise Patrick said...

I agreed with so much of what you wrote, it's not funny!! Great list. My kids rarely got sick as kids and I let them get into everything. I have a friend who was hyper-sensitive about who and what his kids associated with and his kids are sick all the time (they catch EVERYTHING).

Mercy's Maid said...

I agree with your list!

People who let their children wander freely make me SO nervous. I was in the mall one day walking into a shoe store and a toddler toddled out of the store into the mall. No parents in sight. They were down the aisle in the store trying on shoes. I actually lured the kid back into the store because I was afraid for her.

And as for the Carrie Underwood song, it drives me nuts. If it were a guy singing the same lyrics, the song wouldn't even get played because he would obviously be a violent abusive psychopath...but since a girl's singing it, it's cute?

Vader's Mom said...

I agree with you about the Carrie Underwood song. Not the best lyrics, but a lot of fun to sing along with!

Mert said...

The Mexican American princess thing had me cracking up. (that's me, but I'm no princess)

Iam totally with you on 13. It drives me insane to see kids playing so close to the street. A five yr old was killed while riding his bike for the FIRST time near us, he was unsupervised. His parents were idiots.